Goldfish: the surprisingly charismatic aquatic creature

12:54pm Wednesday 24th September 2008

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If I listed all the snippets of conversation FCR (that's Fearless Chief Reporter, for those of you who have forgotten) and my other colleagues have told me are "not for the blog", I would probably have a fairly comprehensive indictment of the level of (in)sanity in this office.

All right, so perhaps that's a bit of an exaggeration but I think it's important for readers to know exactly how stressful this job can be and, as evidence, the effect it has on ensuing office banter.

Take, for example, the conversation yesterday as we managed to catch a bit of Gordon Brown's speech at the Labour party conference. One of the reporters compared Mr Brown's level of charisma to that of a goldfish and what followed was a conversation that lasted a good four or five minutes on the comparative charm and personality of goldfish. They are, it has been concluded, quite charismatic. Something to do with the way they glide gracefully around their tanks, apparently.

This is not to say that the entire newsdesk has gone utterly mad - the jury, of course, is still out on that one - but just to give our faithful public an idea of the need reporters occasionally have to escape from what has this week been a more or less relentless stream of bad news. Being only human, it can be a bit difficult to take at times.

As I'm sure most readers are aware by now, the main news this week has been the death of baby Finlay Woods under the wheels of a 4x4. No matter how hard-bitten a newshound you might be, nothing quite prepares you for the news that a child has died, especially one as young as this, and I certainly don't envy the reporter covering the story. For my part, I had to cover the magistrates' court appearance of the driver and found that difficult enough. Some members of her family were present and broke down in tears as she was led away, to be remanded in custody for the next three-and-a-bit months until she faces trial at Snaresbrook Crown Court, which was a gut-wrenching sight.

On the same day, the third man to be charged with Adnan Patel's murder appeared in court to be committed for trial at the Old Bailey and it was distinctly strange to be in the same room as two people accused of taking someone else's life - deliberately or otherwise. They both looked so...normal. Just ordinary human beings, but for the fact of being in court, partially obscured from view by a glass screen, and both looked utterly terrified.

Of course, they are accused of committing very different crimes and will probably receive very different sentences if convicted, but seeing them both in all their human frailty still evoked the same odd feeling.

No wonder, then, that we need a bit of mindless banter from time to time.