The curse of Waltham Forest (From East London and West Essex Guardian Series)

The curse of Waltham Forest

12:39pm Friday 7th August 2009

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By Janet Wright »

Worried about black magic and evil spirits? Or just worried about people pushing cards through your door claiming to deal with these? Either way, Waltham Forest council may have an answer for you -- a predictably useless answer, needless to say.

I’ve had dozens of business cards and flyers coming through my door, often from people calling themselves sheikh, professor or doctor. They claim to be able to lift curses, bring back straying lovers and cure sickness. The one beside me as I write is from someone who’s also “capable of solving all psychological, financials, socials and academic problems” (though obviously grammar is a bit tricky).

Like the three-card tricksters on the High Street, these conmen can only make money from gullible people. But I disagree with those who say it’s tough luck on anyone foolish enough to fall victim. Being gullible isn’t a crime, and if people are desperate they need a helping hand, not a rip-off.

Councils are meant to tackle people selling bogus services. So one day I collected a pile of these flyers and took them to Waltham Forest’s trading standards department.

The council officer who looked at them said nothing could be done. “But they’re selling services they can’t possibly provide,” I objected.

“How do you know they can’t?” she asked, visibly inconvenienced by the amount of time I was taking out of a quiet afternoon. I said: “Because they’re claiming to lift curses, make people love you and cure all disease. No one can do that.”

Triumphantly, she shot back her killer response -- “But you can’t prove that they can’t do it!”

So now, in the wonderful world of Waltham Forest where all things are possible, I’m looking for someone to make our council love Walthamstow. I know that’s a big job compared with curing all disease and casting out evil spirits. But come on, Professor Dr Sheikh – I’ve got a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to pay you.