Dating Dilemmas with Lorraine Adams
Finding hope among break-up gloom
It is always comforting to know that even if you have been unceremoniously dumped, that there was something that person will carry with them about you that was unique. It softens the blow, somehow.
When my clients talk to me about their relationships - albeit young fledgling relationships - I can spot those who are more at ease with it coming to a close because they have not come away feeling dejected.
It is easier to explain to our friends all the reasons the fling didn't work out if we have something positive to add to it. "She thought I was the most generous guy she had ever met," or, "he said I was the classiest chick he had been out with".
It is a dangerous game to play if you give lip service to these tactics when you want to give someone the elbow - especially if what you are saying is not sincere - because you will always come across people with such low self esteem they will cling on to anything to keep the union going.
It is a dilemma - do you keep all the positive things that first attracted you to her/him to yourself for fear of prolonging the agony? Or do you just get out and make a run for it, risking your integrity?
Honesty can often get you into trouble and sometimes your words or perhaps the meanings behind your words can be stretched out of all proportion to come back and haunt you later on.
My advice is to keep it simple, although it is tricky to maintain a bland straightforward approach to shifting what may have originally been strong feelings.
People often want to over analyse, especially if they are on the receiving end of a dumping! Avoid the deep face to face conversations if it is becoming tiresome, or you could get dragged into ugly confrontational arguments which are completely unnecessary.
Try the email approach, where it is easy to wax lyrical about the positive things without getting yourself dragged in. Then cut away, and just keep referring to your email if they don't get the message.
Lorraine Adams is a leading dating expert, dubbed "the Simon Cowell of dating" for her no-nonsense approach. She runs the dating service www.gorgeousnetworks.com, new spontaneous dating bulletin board www.topdreamdates.com and appears regularly on TV and in the media, giving advice to the UK's singles.
5:22pm Monday 28th April 2008
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