DAYS OUT by Mark McClelland.

I'm sure what Chessington would really love me to do is rave on about how amazing the brand new £2m Rattlesnake is, or how scary the Creepy Caves are. After all, the Sun ran a four-page Chessington special featuring Anthea Turner, Michelle Collins and Denise Welsh giving both attractions as much hype as a Spice Girls' reunion. It even called the Rattlesnake's 30mph top speed as "breathtaking."

Terrified? You won't be. As we made our way through the 45-minute queue for the 90-second trundle, it became obvious from the lack of screams that The Big One this was not. The size of the queue is a result of novelty and little else. But when you consider the remarkable similarity with Alton Towers' The Mouse, ditched at the beginning of the 90s, it doesn't even have that going for it.

If there's only a small queue, go on just for the hell of it. If not, leave well alone. It's just not worth it. The same can be said of insect zoo Creepy Caves, the other new installations, advertised almost as a haunted house. It promises the biggest spiders and scariest insects but, like The Rattlesnake, it can't deliver. When we visited many of the seemingly most inviting glass houses were empty. It didn't help that the labelling system was so confusing, you didn't know if you were looking at the most terrifying insect known to man or a creature that was just plain ugly but packed less punch than Duncan Norvelle on Prozac.

Quite why Chessington picked these two attractions when it came to spending an extra few million quid isn't really obvious. While it would hardly set the US alight, the rest of the park is loads of fun. There's enough variety to satisfy any family and the only word for flagship Rameses' Revenge is `spectacular'. Just watching it either inspires terror or pure adrenaline. A bit like riding it really. But watch out for those water jets. If you sit in the wrong place you can expect a force of fire hose proportions.

In fact, if you sit on most rides you can expect to get wet. Chessington seems to have a fixation with water which some could find tiresome. Most will find it loads of fun. You can't have too much water at a theme park. Don't be boring either and take waterproof clothes with you. A bit pointless really isn't it?

Some might say the same of the many animals dotted around the place but they add an extra something to the day and give you a fun, relaxing respite from the rides and queuing. Do take time out to see them instead of rushing relentlessly from ride to ride. They become as much a part of the day as the Rameses, as do the street entertainers who take the tedium away from the queuing.

To be fair, no wait was excessively long, apart from the Rattlesnake and I went on a Bank Holiday. It probably helps that most of the staff seem to enjoy themselves almost as much as you do. Chessington does try very hard and is mostly successful. You can almost forgive it The Rattlesnake.

Entry to Chessington costs £15 for children, £19 for adults, £8.50 for OAPs and £7.50 for the disabled and helpers. Discounts are available for groups of 15 or more. Call 01372 729560.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000.Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.