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Search the Public Notice PortalAwards season used to be a short-lived annual affair, generally in December and condensed into a week or two of back-slapping frivolity.
Crass, cheap TV for sure, but it could be tolerated due to its rarity.
Now however, what with the advent of competition (not always a good thing, says the business teacher), it is a year around event where, instead of winning an award as a reward for excellence of endeavour, many are thrust upon the recipients due to their having paid their subs and expecting some level of industry acclaim in way of payback.
I feel it prudent to separate awards into their two general categories:
The competitive awards that have true merit - winning an Olympic Gold or the Premier League for example where the best, fastest, or strongest through blood, sweat and tears (or an open chequebook in Manchester City’s case) deserve their hard-fought accolades.
Strangely, however, I am hooked on the lesser awards as I picture the winners proudly displaying their gold-plated haul on the mantlepiece safe in the knowledge that no one outside their immediate family or peers will ever know they are brushing shoulders with a minor celeb.
On the plus side, you get to vent your acidic verbal spleen to customers safe in the knowledge that a miserable outlook on life and a complete lack of social awareness and customer service skills are required as you drive full pelt through the puddle and soak a single mother and her bairn to the skin without any semblance of guilt or comeback.
Inanimate objects also have their own awards. RAS (the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society) recently gave the accolade to the notorious ‘magic roundabout’ in Swindon.
Aptly named as the architect must have been high on illegal substances when they designed this monstrous carbuncle, similar to the Hemel Hempstead effort, it consists of five roundabouts that go the wrong way.
The inanimate awards then ramp up (excuse the pun) a notch with the ‘best new car park’ award.
The BNCP gong presented by Parking Review magazine recognises ‘leading examples’ of car park management, design and enforcement (boo).
And lastly, one we can all get on board with, the best inanimate object award to my mind is that of the ‘toilet of the year’, deservedly won by Hillcroft Park campsite.
My research led me to the British Toilet Association who offer, among many services, toilet consultancy and is aligned with the World Toilet Association.
I won’t go into too much detail here, as I believe I have just found the next column’s topic which has left me feeling somewhat flushed…
- Brett Ellis is a teacher.
