Brett Ellis on the Mike Tyson /Jake Paul boxing match

It's true that when all is said and done, the only thing we die with is our legacy and reputation and, sadly, ‘Iron’ Mike has now damaged his by participating in this modern-day freak show.

He is now more ‘brittle bone’ or ‘octogenarian’ Mike after a woeful display saw him throw but 18 punches over 16 minutes of ‘action’ as father time stripped him bare and caught up with him.

It seems a lifetime ago that oiks like yours truly based a weekend around a boxing match.

In decades past it involved late-night lock-ins in south London boozers to watch the electric, brutal and raw likes of Benn, Eubank and their compatriots doing battle to the limit as the drink flowed and we stood in awe at the spirit of these bloodied, modern-day ‘bravehearts’.

Brett Ellis remembers when a weekend was based around a boxing match Slick in production, although crass in spades, the recent event included a shot of Tyson bare-bottomed in what looked like a still from a P Diddy party (allegedly), ring girls with greased-up bosoms who knocked back the ‘me too’ movement a decade plus, and razzmatazz, fireworks, laser shows and other flotsam, as we all waited, more in hope than logic, that 58-year-old Tyson, overweight and struggling to walk, would somehow kick the butt of his 27-year-old opponent.

Paul came out for the ring walk in a car for some reason with his dodgy tattoos, Amish beard and bore fest brother as they sprayed some deodorant which, judging by the sweat on his body by the end of Round 8 was as effective as a chocolate teapot.

The fight itself had all the excitement value of jet washing the patio as they danced like drunk uncles at a wedding for 16 minutes and avoided any meaningful contact before Tyson, visibly pleased that he had managed to swerve a coronary as he added $20m or so to the coffers, waited for the inevitable verdict after the final bell.

Paul on the other hand, gloating in ‘victory’ against a washed-up has-been, was last seen touring care homes around the Texas region eyeing up his next fight (rumoured to be Dick Van Dyke) which should be sponsored by Dignitas, as he avoids proper boxers and continues to coin it in.

But the knockout is his, as he has completed his mission to squeeze every last dime from those of us who really should know better than to subscribe to this over hyped, insidious, vacuous nonsense.

• Brett Ellis is a teacher.